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ACT I
Scene 1
SETTING:
Living room of Leonard Will's
townhouse in Philadelphia.
AT RISE:
A doorbell rings several times in the
blackout. LIGHTS UP as SISSY comes
cautiously into the open doorway. She
is overdressed for the hot day and
wheels a small suitcase. There are
stacks of books strewn about the room.
SISSY
Yoo-hoo! Hello? Anybody home?
(SISSY sets her small suitcase down and moves
past the boxes to the computer on the desk)
Oh, dear, dear Leonard, am I really here at last?
(In a mixture of Southern and bad Italian accent,
SISSY dramatically speaks to the computer.)
Leonardo,"Salute in lor signor, cioe Amore."
(MARGOT appears unseen at the door just as SISSY
begins to speak. She is dressed casually and
carries an empty box. She stops as SISSY begins
to speak in Italian, then breaks into applause.)
MARGOT
Bravo! Bravo! You're very good. I'm very impressed.
SISSY
No one answered the bell. I rang it several times.
MARGOT
You can't hear a thing down in that basement.
SISSY
I am so sorry for walking right in here unannounced but the
door was open.
MARGOT
People have been walking in unannounced all week. Relax,
unless you were just laying on some ancient curse.
SISSY
Oh, that was just my very poor imitation of Virgil's Dante.
MARGOT
Dante, Virgil, excellent, you can find him right over here.
(MARGOT starts to sort through books)
Today's been a nightmare with one woman selling make-up only
a TV evangelist could wear and another guy with a vacuum
cleaner than ran at the speed of light -- now that scared me.
Which is why I'm so happy you're here.
SISSY
You are?
MARGOT
You're not selling anything are you?
SISSY
Oh, no, I was never even allowed to sell my own quota of girl
scout cookies. Mama would say, "No daughter of mine is going
to sell door to door while I can still write a check."
MARGOT
Smart woman.
SISSY
I didn't think so at the time.
MARGOT
It's dangerous out there.
(MARGOT is moving books when they fall over.)
Hell, it's dangerous in here. Would you mind?
(MARGOT hands SISSY a box and starts piling books
into it while she continues talking.)
You know when I die I expect to be buried in a band-aid box
and tossed into the ocean. One, Two, three. Poof.
(Phone rings.)
Would you get that.
MARGOT runs out leaving SISSY
momentarily frozen. As the phone keeps
ringing, SISSY talks to it as she
hunts it down under all the pillows,
books, etc. on the couch.)
SISSY
Now you just keep ringing. I'll find you. Well, here you are.
Hello? Hello. No one's here, but I can take a message? Just a
minute while I find a pen.
(SISSY is searching in her bag for a pen.)
I'm back. Now who did you want to call?
(MARGOT comes back in.)
Margot should call Jackie ASAP!
MARGOT
(Taking the phone.)
Thanks. Jackie, where the hell are you? No, those phone
numbers didn't work and yes, it always matters where you are,
especially when you were supposed to be here. Fortunately
you're saved by -- what's your name?
SISSY
Sissy, but really, I can come back later.
(SISSY starts to leave but MARGOT gestures for
her to stay.)
MARGOT
Look, Jackie, Sissy's dropped in and she's moving the books
you were supposed to be moving if we knew where you were to
move them.
(MARGOT hits the potable phone.)
Damn these things. Jackie, are you on one of those God awful
cell phones because it sounds like you're in the middle of
hell. (Pause) Honey, can you please just skip all the angst
and get old with the rest of us.
(Shakes the phone again out toward SISSY.)
You can't have a decent conversation on one of these. Jackie,
it sounded like you said you just joined the army which could
- what do you mean it's true! Are you crazy! You joined up
and called me first. Thanks. I know I'm your favorite Aunt
but if you think I'm getting in the middle of this you're
crazy. No! Please, don't hang up on me. Yes, I promise to
listen to you. No, I won't say a word until you're done. Yes,
I do have food here, and coffee, and no, I'm not going
anywhere. Yes, I know I'm wonderful and Jackie, I hate
surprises. (hangs up) Merde! Don't you hate how you tell kids
to grow up and then they go out and do it? I don't know
whether to laugh or cry.
SISSY
You seem awfully busy here, maybe I should come back later.
MARGOT
(Grabbing SISSY.)
No, wait. I'm not very good at this decorating business but I
have a feeling you are.
SISSY
Me?
MARGOT
What do you think about this rug? Don't hold back.
SISSY
It looks very old and very beautiful.
MARGOT
It's old, but being colorblind I think Leonard only bought it
because it was big enough to cover this spot on the floor. I
don't know. How do you really feel about it?
SISSY
Leonard is colorblind?
MARGOT
All the Will men were colorblind from birth which was fine as
long as you dressed them before they went out. Now let's stop
and get acquainted before the shooting starts.
SISSY
Shooting?
MARGOT
Sorry, that was one of my little Margot jokes. I'm Margot
Will and I'm told I have a very warped sense of humor.
SISSY
I'm Cecilia Longfellow Sweet and I'm told I have no sense of
humor at all. And no, I guess I didn't think that was a joke.
MARGOT
Well Cecilia, I can see you'll learn fast. Now if you'll just
get the end of this table and I'll get the other, I promise
you will be rewarded for indulging this obviously deranged
woman. Ready, set, lift.
(They move the coffee table.)
Great, I do like the rug, now sit and relax. You must be
exhausted.
SISSY
Thank you, but I admit I have never met anyone before who
expected to be buried in a band-aid box.
MARGOT
If they can send a man to the moon, Cecilia, they can bury me
in a band-aid box. Hungry?
SISSY
Please call me Sissy.
MARGOT
Please call me Margot and if you're bilingual and can pack
books you must be starving. Take off your jacket and relax.
SISSY
Thank you, but my accent is strictly Alabama con brio.
MARGOT
Does that mean you don't eat?
SISSY
Oh, no, as you can see, I eat all the time.
MARGOT
Now see, that shows a very fine sense of self-deprecating
humor --- my personal favorite -- which means we forget thgat
polite finger food and can get right to the good stuff. Brie?
Antipasto? Shrimp?
SISSY
No, no, thank you, I really couldn't.
MARGOT
If you can't eat you can still drink. You know you've got to
keep those liquids flowing or you'll dehydrate. Juice, water,
lemonade?
SISSY
Nothing.
MARGOT
I know exactly what you're here for.
SISSY
I swear we were just friends!
MARGOT
(MARGOT has disappeared during SISSY's outburst
and returns with a carafe of coffee.)
You are going to love this incredible iced Frangelica,
freshly ground, brewed, chilled and loaded with sweet cream
and shaved chocolate. Did I miss something?
SISSY
(Opening her eyes and breathing again.)
It does sound heavenly.
MARGOT
Everyone has their weakness. I stopped fighting the small
ones years ago.
SISSY
"Let me count the ways."
MARGOT
Browning, right? How do I love thee?
SISSY
I have this terrible habit of ending up in verse, or worse.
MARGOT
I can never get past the first line. How do I love thee, let
me count the ways -- I'm lost.
SISSY
"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight.
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace."
MARGOT
That's it, don't stop, coffee needs more ice.
(Tasting the coffee and running off.)
SISSY
"I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. "
MARGOT
I love it.
SISSY
"I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise."
MARGOT
Louder!
SISSY
(SISSY gets louder as she gets carried away.)
"I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
with my lost saints, - I love thee with the breadth,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death."
MARGOT
(SISSY has almost collapsed with emotions as
MARGOT returns with ice. She pours the coffee )
Sugar and cream?
SISSY
Yes.
MARGOT
(Raising her glass in toast.)
Here's a toast to poetry.
SISSY
To poetry.
MARGOT
And great coffee. (pause) And Leonard who loved them both.
SISSY
Oh, how foolish of me taking so much of your time.
MARGOT
Stay was long as you want. I've got gallons and I like the
company.
SISSY
I thought I might still have time to see the Liberty Bell.
MARGOT
It'll still be cracked when you get there.
SISSY
And the Betsy Ross house too.
MARGOT
Look, it's hot as Hades out there and as my dear old
grandmother used to say, it's not the heat that'll kill you -
SISSY
It's the humidity!
MARGOT
Exactly.
SISSY
Was your grandmother a Baptist?
MARGOT
No, she was Orthodox...
SISSY
Oh?
MARGOT
Orthodox Jewish?
SISSY
Isn't that amazing.
MARGOT
Actually before World War Two there were a lot more of them.
SISSY
I meant a Baptist and a Jewish person sharing the same
stories with their granddaughters. Like Jesus and Paul out
there together all over again.
MARGOT
I'm sorry, I just assumed you and Leonard were colleagues.
Were you?
SISSY
Not in the traditional sense of the word.
MARGOT
Exactly what sense of the word would that be?
SISSY
Actually we met online in one of those little chat rooms.
MARGOT
Really? Tell me more.
SISSY
Ours was devoted to that amazing Italian poet Dante Aligheri
whose works have been a passion of mine for years.
MARGOT
And Leonard's.
SISSY
We communicated for several time about the poetry, and had
talked recently about putting together some type of web site.
It would be called "Vita Nuova" for others who also shared
our delight in his beloved Beatrice.
MARGOT
Beatrice, ah perfect love with the perfect woman -- he named
three cats after her.
SISSY
The web site is really more my idea. I have some of the plans
for Vita Nuova with me if you'd like to see them?
MARGOT
So you two never actually met?
SISSY
We have spoken on the phone - about the web site of course -
and I must say your husband's voice, so deep and rich,
reminded me of Mr. William Buckley in its timbre.
MARGOT
Whoa! I've got to sit down and think about that.
SISSY
I met Mr. Buckley once, years ago of course, though I can
assure you I have never met your husband face to face.
MARGOT
Why do you keep saying that about Leonard being my husband?
SISSY
You introduced yourself as Margot Will. You're obviously
familiar with this apartment which does have his name on the
mailbox. The rug, the poetry, his voice..."Let me count the
ways". I think I'll just be on my way now thank you.
MARGOT
I'm his sister, Margot Will?
(Phone rings. )
SISSY
Ohhhh.
MARGOT
Same last name. No wife. (phone)
SISSY
I'm embarrassed to say I didn't know he had a sister.
(phone)
MARGOT
I didn't know he had a chat room. (phone) Damn I forgot to
shut off that machine.
MACHINE
(Answering machine starts. Both women freeze.)
This is Leonard Will. You've reached 624-0964. Please leave
your message at the tone and I'll return your call as soon as
possible.
MARGOT
He does sound like Buckley.
(MARGOT runs off as JACKIE runs into the room.)
JACKIE
Now, don't tell me I'm crazy because I do know what I'm
doing. -- Excuse me. Who are you and where is Margot?
SISSY
I am Cecilia Longfellow Sweet and she just took a phone call
in there.
JACKIE
Oops! She didn't say who it was, did she?
SISSY
No.
JACKIE
You didn't hear a name? A clue. A woman screaming?
SISSY
I'm afraid I didn't.
JACKIE
Merde! Is this Margot's iced coffee 'cause I need something
strong and this woman makes great iced coffee. (Pause) Not
even a first, last or someone really pissed off name?
SISSY
I'm afraid not.
JACKIE
Have you ever been so tired you think you'll fall asleep
standing up? Because that's the way I feel right now. Like
that disease that sounds like "narcotics"? You know it? I am
so fried.
SISSY
I believe it's called narcolepsy.
JACKIE
Narcolepsy, exactly. Fall asleep standing up, right?
SISSY
My cousin Eugene was narcoleptic and it severely limited his
occupational choices.
JACKIE
Did I tell you I just joined the army? Even made me take a
drug test which is pretty funny since only a complete idiot
would get high and THEN join the army.
SISSY
I can tell you they did not want Eugene in the Army, Air
Force or the National Guard. Though the Coast Guard was
interested but Eugene, like me, never did learn to swim.
JACKIE
Now I have to tell my mother and she hates surprises.
SISSY
Most mothers do.
JACKIE
She takes it all personally even when they have nothing to do
with her, if you know what I mean.
SISSY
I'm afraid I do.
JACKIE
It's not like I'm going in the army to make her mad. I'm
twenty-two, graduated from college and I've been talking
about this for years, not that anyone's been listening. So
wouldn't you want a really smart, sensitive and strong woman
helping to make those important decisions about peace and
war? No, don't answer because it's too soon to think about
anything but getting through these next few days. Hours.
Maybe minutes. Look, All I know is I think I can make a
difference. Isn't that what we're supposed to do?
SISSY
I'm sure they're just thinking of your safety.
JACKIE
I read somewhere that the bathroom is the most dangerous
place on earth, which is pretty scary when you consider half
the world is just dying to get one of those put in. But I
guess it's like my Daddy said, you never know what's waiting
out there to break your heart and ruin your life.
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© 1998 Halem Studios
perl@sperlman.comLast updated August 2002